Approval. Ah, Approval
I have not written in a while, there was a period of time when I did not have access to a computer… this piece was written in my journal and I am typing it here to be shared.
May 25th
Life really is what you make of it
You can have it go your way, against you, in your favor….
However you choose to look at it, events, moments, words
What you make of it from that perspective, that lens is how it is
How it becomes
Life is how you choose to see it
How you choose to engage with it
The state, gaze, perspective in which you meet it, receive it.
What you make it out to be
How you see it, store it in memory
Which is why it can shift, be altered, changed with new awareness
What if I held to my initial gut instincts? To turn way, to keep away
Then what, what would be offered? Intrigued by this.
What is real?
All of it
What is, what was, what could have been
Did I override or did I soften in to explore
Was I adaptable or fixed
I wasn’t fixed but what would it have been if I remained fixed
When to act?
When not to? – while all is action, choosing or not
It is, they are both choices
Closed or open
How do I know when
What are the signs, signals, messages
That is it- How do I trust myself?
This is what comes up?
Am I trustworthy?
Can I trust myself?
Yes, Sara, my goodness, to even ask this
You are so hard on yourself
You are fine, more than fine
You are living, choosing, learning, growing
There is no one way to be
Or a supposed to
These are internal questions
Was I supposed to do that, say that, take that action, choose that, go in that direction
Here is the play- the mind fuck
How do I know-
According to whose standards, whose judgements
Whose opinions
What am I seeking here
Approval
Oh… wow…needing approval
From whom
Of whom
Myself
Yes acceptance and self-approval
That I can sit comfortably with what arose
Transpired and be
Approval
The arrow I drew from Sundays’ ceremony
Shadow side
Approval
To be with this, to welcome this
It’s arrival…
With a hug,
Sara