I meet my Self here

This weekend, I felt called to have alone time, to be by and with myself. I spent so much time alone over the past couple of years and these past months, while I have time alone, time to and for myself, I am in the homes of others, in the environments of others and I found myself yearning for stillness and silence, beyond what I am able to access on the inside (which is the current path I am on, being able to maintain inner and outer stillness while simultaneously being in environments and contexts I can not control). 

I bow to myself in gratitude reading these written words. For so long, I sought any opportunity to be with others, to do something to occupy myself, anything to avoid being alone with myself.  Life had different plans for me. Events unfolded that lead me to living alone, in a cabin with no cell service and no Internet connection within steps from the wilderness boundary. What I was used to, what I was familiar doing, what I had done to avoid, distract, ignore myself had shifted when I moved into Cabin #3.  Then, spending a month in India, in 2018, away from folks that I knew, in a new environment and without access to alcohol, I really was able to face the darkness within that I had been seeking to avoid. There was nowhere to go, no vices to hide behind, no thing else to do. I had to be. I had to be alone. To be with my self.

There, I found my Self. Since then, I continue to discover more and more about myself. I create space to connect with my Self, my true self. I meet my Self before the conditioned thoughts, the labels of identity, the stories that have been told about me that I have worn like a coat, comfortably and the stories that I have told myself.

I meet myself there. I meet myself here, in stillness. In silence.

I meet you there too.

Hari Om Tat Sat

Sara